• There’s always time to pet
your dog.
• If a feller doesn’t trim his own horse’s feet, he’s got too many horses or not enough time.
• Some people do what they’ve gotta do to live where they wanna live. Others live where they have to live to be what they want to be.
• If the reader can’t understand what the poet is tryin’ to say, it’s not the reader’s fault.
• Sometimes gentle pressure is better than jerkin’ as hard as you can. Kinda like pickin’ up a bull’s nose.
• The consultant’s motto: You can’t have all your hands in one pocket.
• People like David Duke and Louis Farrakhan are head and tail of the same bad penny.

• I like a woman that smells like barbecue sauce.
• Some say, “You are what you eat.” I say, “You are where you walk. Wipe your feet.”
• I observed to a man in New York that I was surprised that they had so many cows and so much farming. He said, “Son, this is where it started.”
• The only thing I can’t do in excess is moderation.
• It’s hard bein’ a cowboy. If a man gets run over by a truck he gets sympathy. If he gets run over by a horse, they laugh.
• You know you had a bad weekend when you wake up Sunday morning and it’s Thanksgiving Day.
• A bank examiner is someone who comes in after the battle and shoots the wounded.
• If a person has an excuse to be less than they can be, they
probably will.
• Wine doesn’t give me a headache. Winos do.
• I felt sorry for myself when I had no hat, ‘til I met a man who had no…wait a minute, that’s not right.
• Vet prognosis: Those that linger have a better chance than those that die right away.
• Whoever named The Dumb Friends League has dang sure punched a few cows.
• If you are not generous when you can afford to be, it marks you as a small person. That is not the same as being generous with somebody else’s money. That’s merely being cheap.