Slicker’n deer guts on a doorstep.

Smooth as a filly’s nose.

Here in this jug’s a miracle drug

So new that nobody knows.

Feed it, inject it or plant it,

Stick it under an ear.

Pick any breed, results guaranteed.

The data’s perfectly clear.

It’s good for foot-rot in gophers,

Chafing on buffalo thighs

Horses with corns, Angus with horns

And girls with fire in their eyes.

Goats with a bad disposition,

Lovers losing their spark.

Turpentined cats, blind-folded bats

And dogs that forgot how to bark.

Friends.  Are you troubled with aphids?

Kids all down with the flu?

Cattle won’t gain? Needing more rain?

I tellya what this’ll do;

Kill all the weeds in your garden,

Patch up an inner tube,

Leaven your bread, stiffen your thread

And work out your Rubik’s cube.

Give you more miles per gallon,

Relieve your gastric distress,

If that ain’t enough, this wonderful stuff

Eats barbecue stains off yer dress.

I see you don’t quite believe me.

The best I saved for last.

Pay me the cash then quick as a flash.

See? Oh, I went too fast.

Okay, let’s do it again.

watch and you’ll understand.

Safe and improved, it gently removes

a five-dollar bill from your hand.