It’s always fun to eat at Chinese restaurants, even if you’re not crazy about Chinese food, because you can find out what kind of animal you are.
You know what I mean, most places have placemats that you can read while you’re waiting for your food that explain Chinese astrology. According to the year you were born, you can discover if you are a Pig, a Monkey, a Dragon, or some other animal. Whichever animal you are is a clue as to your personality.
It is also a clue as to what kind of animals you should either marry or avoid. I found out long after we were married that I married a Rat. Now don’t get me wrong, according to the Chinese, Rats have many noble qualities. But it’s fun to remind him now and then that no matter what he says, he’s still a Rat.
Anyway, we were discussing this the other day when the Rat said, “Someone should invent a farmer’s zodiac.”
I thought this was an excellent idea, an idea worthy of a Rat. Now bear in mind that these are not completely scientific, nor are they time tested, but so what? How did the Chinese figure out what kind of personality a Dragon has? Some of that stuff has got to be made up. At any rate, here it is, the The Farmer’s Zodiak.

The Year of the Frost: Farmers who start farming in the Year of the Frost will have excellent crops until the second week of June. Then things will turn cold, including your love for farming. Better have insurance.
The Year of the Hail: If you start farming in the Year of the Hail, you will be an eternal pessimist. You will detest black clouds. You will carry lots of insurance and you will need it.
The Year of the Drought: Beginning farming in the Year of the Drought will make you strong and persevering. If you learn to farm irrigated crops without irrigation water, you will be an awesome farmer when you finally get some.
The Year of the Rain: We are currently in the Year of the Rain. Anyone who starts farming this year will have bumper crops of weeds, fat cows and good yields from row crops. Whatever you do, stay away from hay.
The Year of the Bugs: Farmers who start farming in the year of the Bugs will become very educated on various bug warfare strategies. You will develop great respect and admiration for birds, ladybugs and praying mantises and your favorite song will be the drone of a spray plane at 5 a.m.
The Year of the Wind: I know, every year in Nebraska has wind, but this is the Year of the Big Wind. Or maybe, it’s the year it never stops. Everyone you know will become irritable and grouchy and you will develop a strong aversion to blowhards.
The Year of the Legend: This is not a year that comes around very often. It is the year everything goes perfectly. It’s the year the markets are good and yields are good and no disasters strike. Everyone thinks that the Year of the Legend is always next year, but it usually only comes once every hundred years or so. You will have given up farming the year before.
So there you have it, the seven cycles of the Farmer’s Zodiac. Just figure out which year you started farming and you will know why things happen as they do. Maybe it will give you great wisdom and you will be able to work with your fate instead of against it.  
Or maybe you will decide this is simply the Year of the Bull.