Men and women are different, everybody knows that. Sometimes they’re so different you might think they came from different planets. They think differently, act differently and most of all they talk differently. 

I was reminded of this recently when I talked to a guy who was talking about his brother. He called him a SOB and a few other unprintable names, because the brother had given him a gift, and he was tickled pink with it. We didn’t have to guess how he felt, he was grinning and proud and really happy, and the best way he could express that was to call his brother a SOB.

The whole episode just reminded me that guys speak a whole different language than women. When two women see each other after a long time, they hug and say things like, “You look great. I love your hair.”

When guys see each other after a long time, they might shake hands if they’re in public, but most likely they’ll just punch each other in the arm. The harder the punch, the more pleased they are to see each other. 

Guys never say things like, “I love your hair.” If they mention hair at all it’s to say, “When did you get so bald? My baby granddaughter has more hair than you.”

The topics of their conversations are different too. Women like to talk about people. It’s not necessarily gossip, it’s just catching up on what’s going on. They talk about kids, grandkids, parents, neighbors and what all they’re doing and what they think about it. They also exchange recipes, talk about websites and cuss the phone they can’t figure out how to use. Woman language is varied and diverse and changes all the time.

Guys, on the other hand, stick to the basics. They talk about the weather, cows, crops, equipment (including guns) and sports. That’s it. They may stray from those topics occasionally, such as if one of them got caught speeding, which is always good for a couple of days of harassment, but they always go back to the basics. It’s not that they’re dumb or boring, they just like what they like and they don’t see any reason to change.

These days some people are a little confused as to which gender they are. Some people even think they can choose which one they want to be. I think that’s all a bunch of hooey, but just in case you are a little confused and want to figure out which gender you are, just think about how you talk to your friends. If you hug them and compliment them, you’re a woman. If you punch them in the arm and insult them, you’re a guy. 

The greatest thing about guy language is that it’s straightforward…no guessing. Maybe that’s why some people get confused about which gender they are…they just forgot how to speak the language.