A Redneck Story

Backroad Ramblings

This time of year there are lots of spiders running around.  If the sun is just right, you can see zillions of webs just about everywhere you look.  It can be beautiful.  It can also be annoying.  

I just read about a guy who found it very annoying.  It seems the guy was house-sitting his parents’ house when he found some black widow spiders in the house.  Now everyone knows that black widows are poisonous.  They can actually be deadly!  So when he realized that they were black widows, he did what anyone would do.  He took a blow torch and fried the little suckers.  The only problem was, in the process he burned down his parents’ home.

Now some might think this was a little bit of overkill.  Most people think he should have simply squashed those spiders and been done with it!  But it’s just not that easy!  

First of all, did you know that black widow venom is about 15 times stronger than a rattlesnake?  It’s true!  But since they’re so much smaller, their bites are not usually fatal to adults.  However, they can be lethal to children or the elderly.  I think the poor guy was just doing his best, and things kind of got out of hand.    

Just imagine this guy, let’s call him Joe Redneck, is minding his own business, checking out the house to make sure everything was okay, when he sees some big, ugly webs with little black spiders.  He checks, and sure enough, they are black widows!  He knows black widows are poisonous, and he fears for his elderly parents and his little kids!  

Joe knows he has to act, so he considers his options.  He can use the hose and drown the little buggers, but his mom would kill him for ruining the carpet.  He calls pest control, but they can’t get there for a few days and they cost too much.  He thinks about putting on some good boots and stomping away, but he figures he wouldn’t get them all and it would just make them mad and then what?  If you think black widows living in your house is bad, try living with ANGRY black widows!  

Finally Joe thinks of the blow torch.  He can get up close, get a good kill, and clean up the web while he’s at it!  It’s cheap, it’s effective, and best of all, he HAS a good blow torch right there!  Happily, he fires up the torch and goes at it.  

We all know the rest of the story.  The firefighters came, the house sustained damage to the attic and second story, and poor Joe Redneck became the most famous idiot in his neighborhood.

But you have to give Joe credit, he found a problem and he did something about it!  Maybe it wasn’t the smartest solution to the problem, but I’ll bet they don’t have a black widow problem anymore!  

So before you condemn Joe for being a total and compete moron, remember this:  insurance will pay for fire damage, but they usually won’t pay for having poisonous spiders, so maybe Joe Redneck isn’t such a
moron after all!


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